Sometimes I like to browse the chef groups on facebook and lurk the comments. Not only is it an exceptional option to pass the time but depending on when and where your timeline may bring you there are some serious gems of knowledge. On the other hand, there can be a bombardment of strong and varied responses to queries from chefs much like myself and possibly you reading this. Where there are responses, you can always expect to find one thing that is neither/both right and/or wrong. And that paradox is the opinion of a chef.
As a human being, you have the right to air and an opinion. Coincidentally they are both abundant and often ignored. While air adds continual value to humanity your opinion just doesn’t mean so much...and sadly neither does mine. That doesn’t mean I am not going to share my opinion on a few things here with you. And you might not like a lot of what I am about to say. Don’t let me stop you from collecting your things on your way out if this is where you sign off. If you do manage to continue then please remember to take everything I saw with a grain of salt. I’m just a cook guys. I don’t make rules or law. I’m just here to give you
Brokedinner’s Top 5 Unpopular Food Opinions
1. I have no time for red wine
As far as the alcoholic food rankings go Red wine losses heavily to BEER, Rum, and whisky. Sure, cooking with it has its place but I am even apprehensive about its absolute necessity in a pantry. I can totally live without it and I can't think of ONE occasion that I can't navigate around it. I like to have a glass of white wine but that's about it.You won't find me ever daydreaming about romantic afternoons barefooted in a secluded vineyard nor will I ever sniff a bottle and guess the year. To me, all red wine tastes the same. I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
2. Salmon is the worst(and possibly most incompetent) fish
Let’s think about it, they say you are what you eat and Salmon is not very smart. It spends its whole lifespan leaving home on its way back. The darn thing even swims in the wrong direction with the willpower of a possessed demogorgon. Need more convincing? If salmon was a student in high school it would probably spell it’s own name incorrectly. Like... ‘Salmuhn”. Fish flesh is supposed to be white when it's cooked. I can hear the pundits now. ‘What about Tuna?’ Well, I don't like that much either but it is called Sea Chicken so I love it by default. At least it doesn’t waste it’s lifeforce swimming upstream to multiply and die.
3. If you can’t make a good curry then you (probably) can’t cook
As important as it is to know how to make a proper omelette, or tourne a carrot, or make Italian meringue none of these skills mean you can COOK. And by cook I mean make something that tastes AMAZING. I think making curry FROM SCRATCH is the benchmark for a cook’s manipulation of flavour because there are not many dishes as dynamic from a point of flavour balance. A good curry can call for anywhere from 3 to 30 spices and herbs. Compounded by the fact that a lot of chefs can’t cook rice (gasp!) and the potential for things to go wrong is exponential. Ultimately your bathroom will be the judge.
4. No man should drink Almond milk
I’m just gonna put the obvious out there. Almonds don’t have nipples. So the concept of almond milk is giving me considerable syntax. Guys, we didn’t spend eons hunting, gathering, and learning to walk upright so that we can succumb to this imitation of nurture. We are literally losing our nuts when we as men drink almond milk and IF you insist on drinking it, then go out into the wild, find a fit body almond with ripe breasts and extract that milk the way nature designed you to.
5. Cheese is overrated. Sorry
Yep. The less I say about this one the better because there are DRONES of cheesologists out there cyber-raging at me right now. I can sense it. I LIKE cheese, especially when it is melted, but when it comes to spending hours in cave with a cryptkeeper like artisanal cheesemaker listening to him describe how he hand pulls his curd that is the creamy secret to the extra ripeness of his blue….stop it. That man is not only selling you moulded hard milk but he is possibly pleasing himself in his mind right in front of you. Think about it next time someone Shout out to all the creepy cheesemakers caves out there tho. No disrespect.
With everything said, please do not take anything expressed very seriously. My opinion means a little more than nothing and this is just to poke a little fun at some devoutest foodies. No matter who you are please remember that there will always be someone to either disagree with you and/or challenge your own personal points of view on certain things.
As far as food goes I think that is a very healthy practice and not only does it force us to reevaluate our own perspectives but it allows us an opportunity to agree with someone and find a kindred spirit. Even better is when we disagree with someone and move on peacefully. That, in my mind, is the epitome of a mature engagement.
