Gordon Ramsay – Kitchen Nightmares Quotes

By Sara Williams

Ramsay’s Nightmare Rants:

After 10 years of 123 gruelling episodes and 12 seasons, Gordon Ramsay has decided to pull the plug on Kitchen Nightmares. We thought we would put together 10 of the funniest quotes that the 47-year old culinary expert is famous for. (Please note videos contain obscene language)

#1 ‘When you take a bite of that cod, it’s almost like you’ve got a breaded condom in your mouth.’

#2 ‘The two steaks have been up and down like f*****g Abi Titmuss’s knickers.’

#3 (Before tasting) ‘Dear god, for what we are about to receive may the lord not kill me with food poisoning.’

#4 'Oh fk off you, you fat useless sack of f*g yankee-doodle shite, fk off will you please yeah?'

#5 (After

Not Right Now

Contribute

tasting crab cake) 'They’ve got it on the wrong menu. It’s not a crab cake. It’s crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I’ll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.'

#6 ‘That’s the kind of s**t you would expect Tiger Woods to tee off with.’

#7 'Overcooked on the bottom, crispy as f**k and it looks like Ghandi’s Flip-Flop.'

#8 ‘In terms of beauty, it’s not exactly an Indian classic. It looks like a dehydrated turd.’

#9 'Look at that, it looks like a Bison’s penis, what is that s**t!'

#10 'I’ll get more pumpkin and I’ll ram it right up your f*****g arse! Would you like it whole or diced? Can we get security and get this knob back to the seat please, yes?'

Built by Chefs. Powered by You.

For 17 years, The Staff Canteen has been the meeting place for chefs and hospitality professionals—your stories, your skills, your space.

Every recipe, every video, every news update exists because this community makes it possible.

We’ll never hide content behind a paywall, but we need your help to keep it free.

If The Staff Canteen has inspired you, informed you, or simply made you smile, chip in £3—less than a coffee—to keep this space thriving.

Together, we keep the industry connected. Together, we move forward.

Support Us

CONTRIBUTE

CONTRIBUTE Support The Staff Canteen

ingredients

chefs

By type

by location

By type

by location

tHE STaff Canteen Awards

TSC MEMBERS CHOICE Awards

The Staff Canteen Live

Chef competitions & guides

professional chef tv shows

Gordon Ramsay – Kitchen Nightmares Quotes

The Staff Canteen

Ramsay’s Nightmare Rants:

#1 ‘When you take a bite of that cod, it’s almost like you’ve got a breaded condom in your mouth.’

#2 ‘The two steaks have been up and down like f*****g Abi Titmuss’s knickers.’

#3 (Before tasting) ‘Dear god, for what we are about to receive may the lord not kill me with food poisoning.’

#4 'Oh f**k off you, you fat useless sack of f*****g yankee-doodle shite, f**k off will you please yeah?'

#5 (After

tasting crab cake) 'They’ve got it on the wrong menu. It’s not a crab cake. It’s crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I’ll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.'

#6 ‘That’s the kind of s**t you would expect Tiger Woods to tee off with.’

#7 'Overcooked on the bottom, crispy as f**k and it looks like Ghandi’s Flip-Flop.'

#8 ‘In terms of beauty, it’s not exactly an Indian classic. It looks like a dehydrated turd.’

#9 'Look at that, it looks like a Bison’s penis, what is that s**t!'

#10 'I’ll get more pumpkin and I’ll ram it right up your f*****g arse! Would you like it whole or diced? Can we get security and get this knob back to the seat please, yes?'

Support Us

The Staff Canteen

Gordon Ramsay – Kitchen Nightmares Quotes

#4 'Oh fk off you, you fat useless sack of f*g yankee-doodle shite, fk off will you please yeah?'