This is the fifth in our series of weekly blogs by food blogger Danny Kingston aka @FoodUrchin looking back on each heat of Great British Menu 2014.   

My oh my, oh my, oh my, what a potty mouthed week that was. Now, I know that chefs can get a little bit fruity in the vocal department; swearing goes with the territory in a professional kitchen but the language that was on display this week Timothy was something else.

One minute we had Tom Sellers funking and bar stewarding all over the place because his chicken rillettes had frozen. The next we had Adam Byatt berating his wonky, muddy fudging oven for not bringing his venison wellington up to temperature in time.

And happy-go-lucky chef Adam Simmonds, who was doing so well trying to keep things clean, well he certainly let rip when his chocolate bar moulds went awry. “FORKING PIECE OF SCHNIT, COCKADOODLING PUSS BUCKET KANUTING GOAT HERDER” he said.

Or words to that effect. I am trying to keep things clean for this family website here. Seriously though, what a bunch of dirty birdies this lot from London turned out to be. If Annie Wilkes had been in the house, these guys would have been in big trouble. Luckily for them, their mentor overseeing proceedings was to be three time Great British Menu finalist Richard Corrigan.

Who I suspect can also turn the air blue when he wants to. So off we went again, on Groundhog Monday, with our chefs arriving at GBM HQ in their suits and ties. This opening sequence is really starting to bug me by the way. Watching them walk down the street in their Sunday best really does seem odd and it’s not like they ever look smart, but I digress because they soon get their whites on and we soon get down to business. 

The narrator gave us the usual rundown of each chef; Adam Byatt is a seasoned pro; Tom Seller is the young pup who used to work for Adam Byatt, the seasoned pro; and Adam Simmonds is the guy who totally missed the brief when he appeared on the show last time. Adam S, you will never be allowed to forget that. Themes of war time rationing and ‘grow your own’ popped up once more and Richard Corrigan had reservations straight away.

He had tried Adam Simmonds’ dehydrated dishes in the past and Tom’s “vegetables with dips” didn’t excite him either. It could, in Mr Corrigan’s opinion, all turn out to be a disaster. An opinion that was echoed throughout the week. Only Adam Byatt’s ‘By Air’ showed real promise, a blokey, bold starter constructed from tea and Bovril.

But when I saw him plate up, arranging the little ducky’s rigor mortised foot upwards towards the sky, I thought he had messed things up too. It was strange then that Mr Corrigan went on to award some very high scoring points but hey ho, onto the next course we go. The fish course was a course that had to be nailed down fast and Adam Simmonds’ ‘Silver Darlings’ sounded like it was going to score a bulls eye. Using herring in a variety of ways was a great idea because herring was one ingredient that had been off the rations during the war but then he pulled some charcoal mayonnaise out of the bag, which surely would have been a step too far for the veterans.

Tom Sellers’ ‘Taste of Normandy’ didn’t sound too straight forward either using burnt apple puree and burnt celeriac with turbot and oysters. Experienced and seasoned pro, Adam Byatt also went down the experimental route with sand-baked turbot and squid ink caviar and once more, the forecast all pointed towards disaster in Richard’s eyes. But the boys all pulled it out the hat, again all receiving some very respectable scores.

Tom slipped back a touch, simply because he had too much going on on his plate and there was no story but the young whippersnapper didn’t seem to be too ruffled. Probably because he knew he had a trick up his sleeve. That trick in the mains round was to be a dish centred around pigeon, inspired by the messenger birds used to carry, um, messages around during the war. Using everything the pigeon had to offer, breast, heart and carcass for consommé, along with the most buttery mash that you have ever seen, Tom scored big with Richard. A walloping 10.

Adam Simmonds’ ‘The Bull Dog’ on the other hand didn’t do so well. As an homage to Winston Churchill’s taste for the decadent, all the elements of the plate were there; powerful venison, shaved truffle and spiky beetroot but according to Richard’s palate, it lacked that bull dog spirit he was trying to convey.

Seasoned pro Adam Byatt, who might consider changing his name by deed poll to include the title ‘seasoned pro’, also looked to Winston and conjured up an extremely patriotic looking dish; the aforementioned venison wellington. Despite being ten minutes late because of that flunking oven, Richard overlooked his tardiness on this occasion because it was a technically accomplished dish and the presentation was spot on. Going into the dessert round then, everyone was level pegging and the pressure went through the roof.

Never before have I seen a bunch of sweatier looking chefs. I am sure that Tom would have got rid of his cosy ginger beard had he known that his parfait was going to split twice in the heat of the kitchen, I am certain of that. A flustered looking Adam Simmonds I am sure now rues the idea of relying on moulds to make his ‘Logan’s Legacy’, a pudding based around a chocolate bar sent over from the States.

And I am sure that Adam Byatt, dripping and pouring in the effort to bring his fancy take on apple pie and custard to the table, must have accidentally added some extra salty seasoning of his own to the custard mix. Was all the blood, toil, tears and sweat worth the effort though? Well Richard gave out his lowest marks for this round so the guys were bound to feel disappointed. But not as disappointed as Adam Byatt, who just lost out to going through to the judges’ round after tie-breaking with his former protégé, Tom. The seasoned pro didn’t say it but you could see he was thinking “oooh you snifty little countryside.” The final judges round which saw Joy Hunter, MBE and former secretary in the Cabinet War Rooms, join the panel was probably the most jovial and positive round of the series so far.

Everyone was pretty much in agreement that Tom and Adam S had served up a rather special menu. There was a couple of disagreements and pauses for sure. Adam’s inclusion of charcoal mayo got promptly sniffed at, which I always thought it would and Prue wasn’t at all keen on the evaporated milk element in his pud (Matthew however can drink it by the can apparently). Likewise, Tom did get knocked for his soggy chicken terrine on his starter ‘Dig for Victory’ but not for much else.

Having given out a raft of 10’s for the dishes, the judges were very torn and indecisive at the end and after totting up the scores, an unprecedented announcement was made. As both chefs had scored exactly the same, so both Tom and Adam would through to the finals. Although shocked at first, the pair soon breathed easy and walked out together, arm in arm, beaming the biggest of smiles. Both no doubt uttering through their gritted teeth “Thank f**k for that!”       

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>>> Read more about Great British Menu 2014 here

Danny is a food adventurer, enthusiastic allotmenteer, supper club host and writer of the entertaining and quirky epicurian blog, Food Urchin. He also writes for Great British Chefs and past credits also include writing for Delicious Magazine online and MSN Food and he is an absolute sucker for East End pie and mash (with loads of liquor and vinegar).